Dreams

I've always had vivid dreams. Always. I can even remember dreams I had as a kid. They are Technicolor, Panavision, IMAX, Surround Sound, THX, HUGE honkin' dreams!

I had a really creepy one last night, and it's got me rattled.

I dreamt that I was walking on one of the miles-long bridges, like the ones in the Florida Keys. There were no cars, only people walking, and it was close to being crowded.

As I walked, I had to weave in and out of little clusters of people. Up ahead of me was a support pillar (sorry, I don't know the technical term). I caught a glimpse of what appeared to be a person in a wheelchair, kind of tucked behind the edge of the pillar.

Just as I drew close, I saw a man's foot reach out and shove the wheelchair over the side of the bridge. I ran to the edge and saw that the person in the wheelchair was unconscious and bound hand and foot. The wheelchair started to sink, but the person's head was still out of the water. (No, I didn't recognize the person.)

I'm the first to admit that I am not a good swimmer. Apparently, I realized that even in my dream, so I started yelling for help. I ran up and down, grabbing people and shaking them, begging them to help me get the wheelchair out of the water, but no one paid attention. Finally, I noticed that a young man had jumped in and was trying to free the person. After a moment, I saw that he couldn't do it alone. I gave up asking other people for help and jumped into the water.

I was surprised that the water was warm. I swam over to the wheelchair and started helping the man loosen the ropes that were tied around the person's wrists, and that's when I woke up.

hmmmm.....

Zo, Dr. Freud, vat's ze diagnosis?

Is the person in the wheelchair my father? Is this my mind's way of interpreting the horrors of his daily life with Lewy Body Syndrome? The man's foot -- the one that shoved the wheelchair over the edge -- was wearing a shoe like the ones my father used to wear.

I know I feel helpless when it comes to his situation. My sister and her family are dealing with being his primary caregivers. I live too far away to do anything except be there for emotional support. I wish we lived closer, but there's nothing I can do about that. Was this dream a representation of my feelings of futility? Of the hopelessness of my father's situation? Why did I dream this dream now?

Sigh.

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